An Empty Canvas

Of Hearts & Holes

2010-08-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

And here I am, staring at the walls at one a.m.
Wondering how many bullets I’m willing to take
Before I find out you don’t make me feel alive
After each pound hits the flesh,
That mix of ecstasy and death is why
I return to the scene almost certain

Blood clots melt the thickest hearts
And your shots they are like poison
Even if grey skies turn to gold
I am only safe in your throes

That faint whiff of pomegranate, it’s appalling
A scent I love to hate in the morning
When you get up and say your goodbyes
Another day where my heart’s riddled with holes
And answers left to decay in that closet of mine
But when I lift the covers I still find

Blood clots melt the thickest hearts
And your shots they are like poison
Even if grey skies turn to gold
I am only safe in your throes

Get your guns out here I come
I’ll face the barrage a man to none

Harlequin Times

2010-04-06T02:44:00.000-07:00

Inspired by an instrumental song with the same title by my band..By no means the actual lyrics, just something i came up with..

Driving down the open road,
It’s just us & the wind..
As we pass by 60 miles,
Of never-ending blue & green..

Now and then laughter rings,
To the sound of guitar strings..
Playing songs we all know,
Not caring where we’re headed for..

Everyone needs days like these..
When we take the wheel,
& put our worries in the backseat..

The evening brings with it silence,
As we stare into the horizon..
Beside the beauty of the sea,
Nowhere else we’d rather be..

As the day begins to fade,
As we sing along to the radio,
The lights above emit their glow,
A shining promise of tomorrow..

Just a little moment in all our lives,
The spark that lets us feel alive..
A time where hope & dreams begin,
I’ll never forget, these harlequin times..

Perfectly Comfortable

2010-04-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a long looooong time since i've written anything here..been so busy i almost forgot i had a blog..haha..but a friend reminded me, so here's a lil' something i wrote a while back..

Walking down the boulevards of Surrey
Our cheeks flushed red from laughing
There's a peace inside I've never felt before
Which seems so strangely familiar
For once, my nerves are settled by just a smile
& the glint in your eyes is enough to make me feel alive..

I'm perfectly comfortable where I'm standing
But perfect moments never last
Should I stay or should I go
I'll let time be the judge..

The days & nights pass
As we lay static and feel the rush
I'm slowly letting my guard down
& my weakness is sickening
For once, you have got me thinking
that this could actually be a good thing..

I'm perfectly comfortable where I'm standing
But perfect moments never last
Should I stay or should I go
I'll let time be the judge..

Should I break down these walls just for you
& let you into a garden never before seen
There's a chance you wont like the scenery
But not taking the chance means it'll never be..

When All The Toys Are In The Pram..

2009-05-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Some people are just born rich..
& some people like to pretend they are..
Designer goods, expensive restaurants, lavish parties..
These things are just a minor slice of what is considered a staple in their life..

If you are well-to-do, these things usually come naturally..
& if you are well-educated enough, you'd know that these things are nothing to be bragged about..
they can all dissipate in a split second, a blink of an eye..
& they are only pretenders, heirs to the fortune made by their elders..

So why do some people feel the need to practically scream to the whole world,
'Hey people, I'm filthy rich..jealous much?'
I have many friends that are grounded, kind, humble, and really down to earth,
despite their practically ridiculous wealth..

What is the problem with these other bunch of people, and in some cases posers?
Is it because they did not get enough love as a child, jealousy issues, too much money fried their brains, not enough religious education, extremely low self-esteem (loser!) ,
or is it because they're just plain assholes?..

This ain't a hate chorus..
I'm just curious..

You are _________!!

2009-04-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

While i was yelling at & insulting a person yesterday (yes,I do this a lot), for being a complete and utter (insert choice swear word(s) here), I may have stumbled upon the greatest put-down in history. Now, I'm not sure how it came to me, or if I am actually the first person to discover this form of a put-down, but it goes something like this:

Just shaddup! You are so damn useless!
To call u a f***ing a**hole, would be an insult to the words f**k & a**hole!
Your so full of s**t your bloody name should be a swear word!
Like when shouting f**k isn't insulting enough,
People shout your name, (insert choice of name here) !! -repeat as many times as necessary..
So just (insert choice of name again) off!! -point middle finger upwards for added effect..

And that was that..no trade of insults, no counter put-down..the person just kept quiet & walked away..well, it was his fault anyway..later that night, me & my friends had a laugh about it, & we still cant find a suitable response to what I jsut said..

& that is why it is currently the greatest put-down in history..hahaha..
got a response to that? let me know..=)
I'm out~..

Self-Promotion!..(Not that I Need Any)

2009-03-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

Oh yes..
Time to promote some things that I was supposed to ages ago..

First off..an event by the part 4 Public Relation students (yes,it includes me)..
The details:

If you were raped, robbed or assaulted tomorrow what would YOU do? Who would you seek for help? With the passing of each day the number of crime and abuse victims keeps increasing. So, let us work together NOW to stop crime and learn how to protect ourselves!

Time’s Up! It’s a wake up call! - An awareness campaign organized by semester 4 Public Relations students of the Mass Communication Faculty (FKPM). Further details of the campaign are as follows:

Venue : FKPM FOYER
Date : 12th March 2009
Time : 9.00 A.M to 5.00 P.M

Well-known criminologist Kamal Affendi Hashim will make a special appearance as a speaker for this awareness campaign. What’s more, this campaign also presents a chance for attendees to be a Rakan Cop member, see exclusive pictures released by the police force, receive souvenirs from MyTV3 and also gain in-depth knowledge about crime prevention.

For further inquiries, please contact or browse through our website:
Mahirah Mubin - 012 342 8165
Khaleeq Sarfaraz - 017 832 7387
Ummal Hazaarin – 012 334 5051
Ilya Qastalanni – 016 615 2100

Website: timesupitsawakeupcall.blogspot.com
E-mail: letsstopcrime@gmail.com

Do Come!..I'll be in charge of the weapons exhibition..Bang Bang!..

p/s: the other thing, my band will be performing on the 27th of March (Salma Cafe), and 25th of April (MCPA Hall)..we have some new songs out!..n will probably be playing them come the performance dates..

we are also looking for a keyboardist!..anyone intereseted?..

that is all people, over & out..

Different Interpretations..

2009-02-26T05:26:00.001-08:00

Do you have that friend who is always late, for everything?..(yes,that includes me..haha..) they always say, 'on the way', 'another 10 minutes', and other infuriating stuff that makes you pull your hair out waiting for them. You always hope to God that someday they will change, and you WANT to believe them but you know you CANT..

Actually, it's not the matter of believing them or not, it's the matter of understanding..this is a translation of what they say, & what they actually mean :

When they say : yeah, yeah, another 10 minutes!
What they actually mean : Give me another ten minutes to get up.

When they say : im on the way!
What they actually mean : on the way, to the bathroom.

When they say : Jap2, aku dah siap..
What they actually mean : I just finished preparing my bubble bath.

When they say : dh nk sampai nie..
What they actually mean : I'm almost at my car.

When they say : sorry bai, I was eating just now (after not picking up ur constant calls for about an hour or so).
What they actually mean : I was sleeping in my pool of saliva.

When they say : 10 o'clock (or whatever time) kitorg jumpe.
What they actually mean : I'll be seeing you in my dreams if you dont wake me up by then.

There you go, a gist of the most common sayings you usually hear, and are tired of hearing. Hopefully, it'll help you to better understand these kind of people, and reduce your stress levels..Any other terms you cant get your head around?..let me know, i'll translate for you..lol..=P

Stupid Friggin Idiots..

2009-01-29T10:20:00.000-08:00

I have heard of a few people acting high and mighty to some of my acquaintances commenting that 'so & so' music is rubbish and only a certain unsavoury select group of people listen to it. Music..Its a matter of choice, of one's taste..you may like trance, rock, jazz, pop or whatever the-jee-bhiz that you listen to, but it doesnt mean that your choice of music is right @ the best.

I dont understand people who label the music with a certain type of crowd, i.e the indie scene and trance with 'baru nk up' youngsters and so on in Malaysia. These people think they're what, the messiah's of all things that make a sound? there is no right anywhere that states a certain few people are selected to pass judgement and stereotype these sounds. (music critics are different, they rate music according to their tastes, & DONT LABEL PEOPLE).

These idiots dont understand that people, like music comes in all shapes and sizes. People also go through different phases, and listen to different kind of tunes through out their lifetime, based on their mood, everchanging tastes and the trends. In that way music and people are very much alike. And that is why there is a variety of different music to be listened and appreciated, to suit the various kinds of people that we have in this world.

Another thing, when you diss the music and people, you also indirectly diss the artist, by putting him into a group. Any self-respecting musician makes the music he or she likes and envisions, they dont make it to satisfy or please a certain group of people. The artist creates & people listen, not vice-versa.

To people who have shared this experience, just listen to what you want, whatever makes you happy, and to all that have a view as above, the middle finger is always reserved for them..=) Adieu..

A Veiled Message..

2008-07-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

The symphonies of silence reverbrate through the night sky,
sending a wave of calm down my spine..
if only for an utter moment, the colour comes back into my cheecks..
and i begin to think clearly, for that split second i am given sight..
the darkness around,is strangely unsuffocating, ever inviting for you to lie in its arms..
Its loving caress and sounds soothes you like a sweet lullaby, and you begin to fall..

But wait,isnt this all too easy, for darkness that brings death to offer protection..
why do i accept all of this without question..?
Is this something natural, or manufactured as a veil against reason?..
We cant see what happens, what it does behind our backs..
We can only hear words, that are manipulated at best..
Our rumbllings of discontent fall on the deaf, and there are times when there is a glimpse of a hidden path..We try, and we pursue what is for the best..
But when light is given we forget all about treason..

Think, think, I beg you to think..To break the black smokescreens they surround you with..
You think you are free, but there are limits to which you live..
As your heart cannot see better than which your eyes will..

A Little..

2008-05-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

Sitting on that little hill, dress stained by the yellow of grass..
You watch contentedly as a train passes, doing particularly nothing but letting your mind wander to places you have never been, but know so well in your dreams..
You try to piece it all together, the missing moments if you had made that choice, friends if they still had been..What's done is done, you can only dream..

But the dark & starless skies, still don't dampen your spirits..
Gazing into the moon at night, you forever wait for that moment..
Where the bright lights will light up to accompany the solitary shining moon that is your heart..

Hair billowed by the cool breeze, you smile..
No one would believe the world doesn't fit with you, you look so serene..
A fallen angel on life's breadth, you hold on to the only peace you have left..

Don't give up hope, it is always eternal..
Even the faintest signs of light are worth keeping sight of..
Don't turn your back, you cant live with regrets..
There is never one right way to pass the rigours of this world..
Everyone has a different path to follow, that's all..

Fake Facade..

2008-05-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

Suggestiveness & Reasoning,
Your strengths & your folly,
Don't we all hold a double-edged sword..
Your words, deep but hollow, tugs at the heart strings,
but sobers the head up like a cup of latte in the morning..
Listen to yourself, you dont make sense,
talking like a king to the cameras & headlights..
Wake up, most of us have already wisened up to your lies..

The nights call out for your silence,
& the wisemen bay for your blood..
But logic is always second to furore in this world..

What is meaning if we dont know the reason,
What is faith if not for treason,
Would you run if all you believe in falls to the floor?..
You lead people blindly on like your a god,
But illusions can only go so far..

The days suffer from your touch,
& people are wringed of their blood..
But your lust & hunger will suffer you no more..

So take up your lithe weapons and go,
Before you're found out for the fake you are..
The truth will blot out your lies,
The truth will severe your ties,
& your once loyal companions will stand by the wayside,
& leave you to slaughter..

A Faint Symphony..

2008-05-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Half heartedly..

I pretend to stumble..

Maybe I'll be able to slow it down from walking pace..

Have no time to admire..

the intricacies you come to face..

If only, but only is a sin..

When you're facing instant decisions..

With no option for whim..

Why dont we stop for awhile..

Reflect what we put each other through..

I want to try & bring back that smile..

I had everytime i see you..

While you chase for the future..

& learn from the past..

I'm stuck here without progress..

Time is leaving me behind, fast..

Will you appreciate what i put you through..

Though doubtful, i know you do..

If only, but only is a sin..

When you're busy chasing the end..

& have no time to begin..

The angels are calling sometimes..

Faint & in between white lines..

Where will i be when this is all through..

It will never be old or new..

Nought & Frought With Meaning..

2008-05-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

Her cigarettes in my pocket..

My hand on her waist..

my angel in devil's disguise..

the skies seem darker today..

as we walk by empty streets..

exchanging songs full of meaning..

longing for home yet we shy away..

from what the world holds for us..

why is a question i cant answer

its not what i'm chasing after..

I'm only looking for better days..

than what you have to offer..

as we toast our glasses to the night..

of freedom & of our rights..

the world is ours, if only till sunrise..

you can see the emotion in our eyes..

we have more than enough..

we ridicule your mock courtesy..

i dont comply with false pretenses..

I have my own to live by..

why is a question i cant answer..

its not what i'm chasing after..

I'm only looking for better ways..

than what you have to offer..

backs to backs, we build bridges..

that you are blind to..

you will never learn what we know..

you will never find meaning in what we say..

Still..

2008-05-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

A couple of years have passed,life has come and gone..
Regrets are for those who never value their pasts & the lessons learned from them,or so I'm told..
But you still linger on,sheltered by the dank, dark recesses of my mind..Like an elusive ray of hope waiting to burst forth,which i know is nothing but an illusion..
Still, it's all I have to keep driving me on..

Stuck in the past, history is all I have in me..
Desperately trying to move on, I create dreams & stepping stones..To mend a heart so easily broken by that curse of love..as demons and monsters come my way,i gather my strength and shut them out..and soon i find myself heading for the right path..

But after all this time steeling myself..
I find that I still cant let you go..
And when the time comes,where or when I see you again..
I have to be content to gaze at you, from a distance..
As it hurts within from the memory of what we have been..
Tears may mix with the callouses on my worn face..
Still, its the only pleasure I know..